For several years I refused to truly be honest about my feelings and every emotion that haunted me through the night.
I became a liar to everyone around me, but worst, I became my own biggest betrayal. I wasn’t true to my heart, spirit, nor soul. Though every part shattered, aching, and screaming, I kept those cries at bay. I still forced myself to smile and pretend that I was alright. Some days it got so easy to fool everyone and myself that I was almost scared of what I was capable of doing.
Some days got harder, and that is when I locked myself in; not responding to any texts or calls.
I have this talent of so easily shutting people off that it pains me but at the same time I don’t see any other way of dealing with what I am feeling.
Sometimes it feels easier to keep it to myself, but a few days ago, fours years later I finally admitted to not only myself but to someone else that I was broken. I felt revealed, I realized that I wasn’t alone, that I never was, and now I am taking baby-steps to a brighter future, one where my soul is free and there’s peace within me.
It might have been too late to have a full on meltdown swirled with a panic-attack when I finally said to myself ”this is it,” but it was better late than never to call someone and say, ”hey, I feel like shit!”
Maybe if I had told someone sooner I wouldn’t have carried this pain with me for so long, but back then it felt like the right thing to do.
13 Reasons Why shows what happens when you feel everything but don’t tell anyone, and how far some people tends to go to get away from the nightmares they’re living. Words cannot describe how insanely important this serie is, how every single person should take the time to watch the story of one girl. One that happens to so many all around the globe. This is just one of many.
Every pain is different but none less important than the next. They’re all equal and must be taken to the light. We all deal with trauma, depression, and pain in different ways. I faked it for years, everything I was feeling on the inside was never shown on the outside. I continued to go to work, do my daily duties, and hang with friends, even though I spent every night of every month for four years crying myself to sleep.
I did have several moments and chances to confess but never did. I lied, said that I was great, and I had this smile on my face to sell it with my lie.
Clay played by the talented Dylan Minnette comes home to find a package with 13 tapes inside. 13 tapes that will slowly reveal the 13 reasons to why his classmate, Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford) ended her life.
It’s powerful, emotional, and a total eye-opener. Topics some of us may know but don’t often talk about. Anything that brings a person shame tends to be treated as a taboo, they don’t speak up, and it’s heart-wrenching. 13 Reasons Why is disturbing yet moving and brilliant. I bow to the entire cast and crew for delivering this and putting it out there, especially the author Jay Asher for writing this. Schools all around the world should play this, kids, teenagers, and adults should watch this! 10/10
Phenomenal ensemble. <3 Love to every single one of you for your work and dedication.
Don’t make the same mistake that I did of waiting too long before reaching out, but most importantly, don’t make the decision Hannah made. Suicide should never be an option, it’s just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Everything can be solved, it might not seem like it at the moment and that the pain might be there forever, but with a little patience and time, you’ll get there, and soon, you’ll be free to fly.
If you’re in need of talking to someone, about anything, you are more than welcome to write/DM me through Instagram @beautymartinez.
Stay strong, think positive, and remember that you are loved.